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It’s not my place to rewrite the script but here goes some ideas.
AsI told you on the telephone you have a line here, it would be presumptuous of Me to say stronger than you think, but it is stronger than you express because it is so personal with you.
It’s the story of someone who declares what he wants, what he thinks are in his best interests, and then behaves antithetical to those best interests because of weakness. That means, that those declarations should come from this intelligent, young man at the very beginning. The audience will see youself-defeating, and if that ain’t a universal theme my name isn’t Adolfo Luque.
Lester, of course, should be what you people call a “father figure” and he should be just as insan aas George who made it work. At least George thinks so because Lester has a lot of money. Lester thinks George is making it work because he doesn’t care about money and gets a llthe tail. In other words, each thinks the other is properly dedicated.
Everything else are scenes deriving from this bone construction. The story should be laid out like the skeleton of a mackerel, or in my case, a herring. If I qo on, I will be writing the damn thing and that’s not g,ood.